Whether you love them or scream at the sight of them, spiders are everywhere—so why not laugh about them too? This updated 2025 collection of spider jokes is packed with pun-filled humor, kid-friendly punchlines, and creepy-crawly comedy that’s perfect for arachnid lovers and haters alike.

From web-slinging one-liners to spider-themed dad jokes, these are the jokes that’ll get stuck in your head like a spider’s silk. Whether you’re cracking up your friends, entertaining the classroom, or just looking for a chuckle on a rainy day, this list has the funniest, trending spider jokes to keep the laughter crawling.

Get ready to:

• Laugh at spidey puns that land perfectly
• Share family-friendly spider zingers
• Spin your own web of giggles at school, work, or Halloween parties

Let’s weave our way through 399+ spider jokes that’ll trap your funny bone! 🕸️😄

One Liner Spider Jokes

• 🕷️ “I told my spider to quit its job—apparently, it wasn’t spinning enough web traffic.”
• “Why did the spider become a baseball player? Because it wanted to catch more fly balls!” 😂
• “Spiders don’t go to therapy—they just vent on their web.”
• “I caught a spider reading a newspaper—turns out it was researching fly prices.”
• “If spiders had social media, they’d be obsessed with web design.”
• “My spider joined a gym—it wanted to work on its six-pack … of snacks!” 🍫
• “Why did the spider visit the library? It needed to study the web history.” 📚
• “Spiders are great at online dating—they always know how to build a sticky profile.”
• “A spider’s favorite subject? World Wide Web history.”
• “Spiders don’t get speeding tickets—they’re experts at speed weaving.”
• “I tried to play cards with a spider—it was too good at spider solitaire!”
• “What’s a spider’s favorite music genre? Web-core.” 🎶
• “Spiders are terrible secret keepers—they can’t help but let things slip through the web.”
• “Why did the spider take a nap? It needed to recharge its eight-legged batteries.” 💤
• “Spiders never get lost—they always follow the web map.”

Spider Puns

• 🕸️ “I asked the spider for a job—it said, ‘Sure, I’m great at web-site development!’”
• “My spider friend got a promotion—it’s now a web chief.” 👩‍💻
• “Arachnids have the best sense of humor—they always spin a good yarn.”
• “Spiders never lie—they give things the straight-up web.”
• “What’s a spider’s favorite dessert? Web-cakes with icing.” 🧁
• “Spiders don’t argue—they prefer to settle disputes in the web.”
• “My spider started a podcast—it’s called ‘Eight-Legged Laughs.’” 🎙️
• “When spiders want to communicate, they always go the long web.”
• “Why did the spider go on a diet? It was tired of all those web snacks.” 🍿
• “Spiders don’t cheat—they play fair and web-square.”
• “What do spiders put on their pancakes? Web-berries.” 🥞
• “Arachnophobes are just spiders fans who haven’t found the right web pun.”
• “Spiders make terrible musicians—they keep getting caught in the web.”
• “I wanted a pet spider, but it insisted on web rent.” 💸
• “When life gets tough, spiders just spin on.”

Short Jokes on Spider

• “Spiders hate school—they’re always re-spidering their homework.” 🎒
• “My spider had a great day—it finally caught a breakfast fly.” 🍳
• “Spiders don’t use calendars—they live in the web time zone.”
• “Why did the spider go to therapy? It had attachment issues.”
• “Arachnids don’t gossip—they stick to the web facts.”
• “Spiders never wait—they always web-rush ahead.”
• “My spider friend’s favorite holiday? Websgiving.” 🦃
• “Spiders don’t get bored—they weave a new web series everyday.”
• “Why did the spider sit on the computer? To keep an eye on its web traffic.”
• “Spiders have zero chill—they always web out.”
• “What do you call a spider with a job? Web-employed.”
• “Spiders never lose an argument—they catch you in their web of logic.”
• “My spider is a great dancer—it’s got the best web-feet.” 💃
• “Spiders don’t get scammed—they sniff out a web con a mile away.”
• “Why did the spider buy a smartphone? It needed better web reception.” 📱

Top Jokes About Spider

• “I found a spider on my keyboard—apparently, it’s the new web designer.”
• “Spiders in meetings always take web notes.” 📋
• “Arachnophobia is just a love story waiting to happen—track the web romance!”
• “Spiders don’t watch movies—they prefer web series marathons.” 🎥
• “My spider joined a band—it’s the lead web guitarist.” 🎸
• “Spiders make terrible bank robbers—they leave a trail of web clues.”
• “Why did the spider become a journalist? It loved chasing web stories.”
• “Spiders never go to the beach—they’d rather be web surfing.” 🏄
• “My spider opened a bakery—it’s famous for its web buns.” 🥐
• “Spiders don’t use doorbells—they just knock web.” 🚪
• “What’s a spider’s favorite book? Charlotte’s Web—obviously!” 📖
• “Spiders never get lost in the forest—they just follow the web path.”
• “Arachnid weddings are wild—they really know how to spin a suitably web-touched ceremony.”
• “My spider’s a math genius—it’s always solving web problems.” ➗
• “Spiders never miss a party—they’re the life of the web.” 🎉

Spider Jokes for Adults

• “Spiders in the club are notorious—they always keep it eight-legged wild.” 💃
• “My spider friend loves fine wine—it’s a real web connoisseur.” 🍷
• “Why did the spider flirt at the bar? It wanted to spin a romantic web.” 😏
• “Arachnid speed dating—ask about its web connection.”
• “Spiders don’t do small talk—they go straight to web intimacy.”
• “My spider joined a yoga class—it’s working on its web flexibility.” 🧘
• “Spiders never ghost—they stick around in your web of memories.”
• “Why did the spider break up? It found someone with a stickier web.” 💔
• “Spiders at weddings? They’re the best at tying the knot … literally.”
• “My spider’s into mixing web cocktails.” 🍸
• “Spiders are into open relationships—they love multiple web connections.”
• “Arachnid after-party? Check the leftover web goodies.” 🥂
• “Spiders don’t text—they just leave a web message.” 📲
• “My spider tried online dating—it got swiped left for being too web-obsessed.”
• “Why did the spider go to Vegas? For some web-bet gambling.” 🎰

Dad Spider Jokes

• 🕷️ “Why don’t spiders get lost? Because Dad always says, ‘Just follow your web, son!’”
• “Dad spider to baby spider: ‘Quit spinning my head.’” 😂
• “What did Dad spider say to the unruly bug? ‘You’re grounded in the web!’”
• “Dad spider’s advice: ‘Don’t let life bug you—spin your own web!’”
• “Why did Dad spider get a ladder? To reach new heights in web building!” 🪜
• “Dad spider at the BBQ: ‘These flies sure taste better with web sauce!’” 🍖
• “What’s Dad spider’s favorite movie? Webfather.” 🎬
• “Dad spider to teen spider: ‘Stop hanging out in questionable webs!’”
• “What did Dad spider say to the baby bug? ‘Don’t crawl before you web!’”
• “Dad spider’s dating tip: ‘Make sure she’s not caught in someone else’s web.’” 💘
• “Why did Dad spider buy a GPS? To avoid getting stuck in old webs.”
• “Dad spider’s motto: ‘Early to bed, early to web!’” 🛏️
• “What did Dad spider say about house chores? ‘Keep the web clean, son!’” 🧹
• “Dad spider to daughter spider: ‘Don’t worry, you’ll get your first fly soon!’” 😉
• “Why did Dad spider take a day off? To enjoy the web-side view.” 🌅

Spider Jokes for Kids

• “What do you call a spider who loves pizza? A pie-per!” 🍕
• 🕷️ “Why was the baby spider so good at hide-and-seek? Because it was really good at web hiding.”
• “What did the spider wear to school? A web-shirt!” 👕
• “Why did the spider sit on the computer? It wanted to check its web mail.” 💌
• “How do spiders communicate? Through web chat!” 💬
• “Why did the spider read a book? To catch more web-side stories.” 📚
• “What’s a spider’s favorite TV show? Webster!” 📺
• “Why don’t spiders go to the beach? They don’t want to get their webs sandy.” 🏖️
• “How does a spider start a letter? Dear web-friend.”
• “What do you get when you cross a spider and a lion? A fur-midable arachnid!” 🦁
• “Why did the spider join the band? It had great web-bility.” 🎵
• “What’s a spider’s favorite snack? Web-chips and salsa.” 🌮
• “Why did the spider become an artist? It loved to draw web-lines.” 🎨
• “How does a spider stay in shape? Web-jumps!” 🤸‍♂️
• “What’s a spider’s favorite game? Web-Mario.” 🎮

Spider Jokes Dirty

• “Why did the spider get kicked out of the club? It kept spinning dirty webs.” 😏
• “What do you call a spider in bed? Caught in the web of desire.” 😴
• “My spider gave me a massage—now I’m web-tingled all over.” 😉
• “Why did the spider bring shampoo to the bedroom? It wanted a squeaky-clean web.” 🛁
• “Spiders are great at flirting—they always crawl right under your skin.” 💋
• “My spider friend is a great kisser—its lips are web-soft.” 😘
• “Why did the spider send me nudes? It wanted to show off its web curves.” 📸
• “Spiders don’t sext—they just send web emojis.” 📲
• “My spider loves role-play—it always goes as the web-slinger.” 🕸️
• “Why did the spider hire a private dancer? It wanted to shiver my web.” 💃
• “Spiders in romance are wild—they really know how to spin you around.” 🌪️
• “My spider is a terrible kisser—it leaves web spit everywhere.” 😅
• “Why did the spider buy lingerie? To feel extra web-tra.” 🩱
• “Spiders don’t get hangovers—they just wake up tangled in their web.” 🤭
• “My spider is a poet—it writes me web-throbbing love notes.” ❤️

Spider Joke Box

• “Open the box, and what do you find? A spider with jokes inside!” 🕷️
• “Knock the box—spider jumps out shouting, ‘Gotcha with my webbed humor!’”
• “What’s inside the spider joke box? Countless eight-legged giggles!” 😂
• “If you shake the box, you can almost hear the spider saying, ‘I’m all spun out!’”
• “Why is the spider joke box so heavy? It’s full of hilarious webs.”
• “Open the box gently—spider might need its web-calm tea.” 🍵
• “What’s the spider’s favorite part of the joke box? The web insertion.”
• “Why did the spider hide in the box? It wanted to be the surprise punchline.” 🎁
• “When the box opens, the spider yells, ‘Brace for eight-legged hilarity!’”
• “Beware: the joke box is full of sticky punchlines.”
• “What do you call a spider joke box that won’t open? Web-locked.”
• “If you listen closely, the joke box whispers, ‘Weave me a laugh!’”
• “Why does the spider joke box glow? It’s full of web-lit humor.”
• “Open the box at midnight—spider promises to tell its night-web secrets.” 🌙
• “When the spider jumps out, it says, ‘Sorry if I web-prised you!’”

Lucas the Spider Jokes

• “Lucas says, ‘Being small has its perks—my web is always eco-friendly!’” 🌱
• “Lucas loves snacks—especially fly-flavored cookies.” 🍪
• “Lucas: ‘I tried skydiving once, but the wind ruined my web hairstyle!’” 😂
• “Lucas to his friends: ‘Woke up tangled—web hair, don’t care!’”
• “Lucas’s favorite bedtime story? Charlotte’s Web, obviously.” 📖
• “Lucas says, ‘I may be tiny, but my humor is eight times bigger!’”
• “Lucas: ‘My web-design business is thriving—clients call me the ‘tiny titan.’’” 💼
• “Lucas’s secret talent: web juggling—he tosses flies like confetti!”
• “Lucas: ‘Don’t worry about the height—just spin your own web of confidence!’”
• “Lucas tried karaoke—his favorite song was ‘I Will Survive the Fly!’” 🎤
• “Lucas says, ‘Sometimes I peek into your world through your window—just curious!’”
• “Lucas: ‘I never need a Halloween costume—I’m always spooky-cute!’” 🎃
• “Lucas’s wish: a world where everyone respects small creatures.” 🌍
• “Lucas: ‘My dream vacation is to visit the Web of Wonders theme park!’” 🎢
• “Lucas: ‘If you see me, don’t scream—let’s share a webhug instead!’” 🤗

Knock Knock Spider Jokes

• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Web.
  — Web who?
  Web you glad to see me? 🕷️”
• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Arachnid.
  — Arachnid who?
  Arachnid waiting for you to open the door!”
• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Spin.
  — Spin who?
  Spin you a web of jokes!”
• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Eight.
  — Eight who?
  Eight legs are better than two! 😂”
• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Fly.
  — Fly who?
  Fly on in—I’ve got jokes to share!”
• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Cobweb.
  — Cobweb who?
  Cobweb me up with laughter!”
• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Spinner.
  — Spinner who?
  Spinner me right round with these jokes!”
• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Webster.
  — Webster who?
  Webster you think of a funnier joke?”
• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Silk.
  — Silk who?
  Silk you please open the door?”
• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Sticky.
  — Sticky who?
  Sticky web holds all my best puns!”
• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Tarant.
  — Tarant who?
  Tarant-ella? Because I’ve got a dance party!”
• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Spinneret.
  — Spinneret who?
  Spinneret your time with me—jokes await!”
• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Fang.
  — Fang who?
  Fang you for opening the door!”
• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Webby.
  — Webby who?
  Webby or not, here I come!”
• “Knock, knock.
  — Who’s there?
  Creepy.
  — Creepy who?
  Creepy little spider wants in!”

Scared of Spider Jokes

• “I told my friend I was scared of spiders—he said, ‘Just web your fears away!’” 😱
• “Why did the scared kid scream? He saw a spider on the remote—now that’s true horror!”
• “I tried to conquer my arachnophobia by naming them—but I still can’t say ’Hello, Carl the Spider!’”
• “Spiders are like surprise parties—you never know when one will pop out!”
• “I asked my spider, ‘Why do you look so creepy?’ It responded, ‘Because it’s my job!’” 😅
• “Why did the scaredy-cat sleep with a spider? To have a creepy cuddle buddy?”
• “I tried meditation—but every time I closed my eyes, I felt a spider on my face!” 😳
• “People say spiders are harmless—yeah, until they drop from the ceiling!”
• “I tried to pet a spider once—ended up running a marathon instead.” 🏃‍♂️
• “Spiders whisper in my ear, ‘I’m here to stay!’”
• “When I see a spider, I text my mom, ‘Mission aborted—send backup!’” 📲
• “I told my therapist I’m arachnophobic—now she’s scared of my screams.”
• “I sleep with the lights on—just in case a spider wants to play hide-and-seek.” 💡
• “My brave friend said, ‘Don’t worry, it’s only a tiny spider.’ I responded, ‘Tiny? It’s 74 legs of horror!’”
• “I tried to talk to my spider—ended up crying in the corner.” 😢

Jumping Spider Jokes

• “Why did the jumping spider join the trampoline class? It wanted to perfect its bounce!” 🤸
• “Jumping spiders never skip leg day—they have the best leap in the animal kingdom.” 🦘
• “What do you call a spider that can jump to the moon? An astronaut-arachnid!” 🌕
• “My jumping spider’s favorite game? Leapfrog on the ceiling!”
• “Why did the jumping spider get a medal? It won the eight-legged high jump!” 🏅
• “Jumping spiders don’t need pogo sticks—they’ve got natural spring legs.”
• “What’s a jumping spider’s favorite dance? The Web-electro Hop!” 💃
• “My jumping spider tried basketball—it’s got a wicked vertical slam dunk!” 🏀
• “Why did the jumping spider start a side business? It was great at hopping to conclusions!”
• “Jumping spiders never miss a beat—they always spring into action.”
• “What happened when the jumping spider tried bungee jumping? It called it easy peasy!”
• “Why did the jumping spider bring roller skates? To double its launch power!”
• “Jumping spiders are terrible at poker—they always jump the gun.” 🃏
• “My jumping spider challenged a flea—it lost by a hair’s breadth.”
• “Why did the jumping spider take acting lessons? To improve its dramatic leap!” 🎭

Spider Jockey Jokes

• “Why did the spider team up with a skeleton? To form the ultimate spider jockey duo!” ☠️🕷️
• “Spider jockeys never get tired—they’ve got eight-legged endurance.”
• “What do you call a spider riding a skeleton horse? The web’s new cowboy.” 🤠
• “Spider jockeys always win—no one can catch their web-speed.”
• “Why did the spider jockey bring a map? To avoid getting lost in the nether.” 🗺️
• “What’s a spider jockey’s favorite drink? Netherweb Nectar!”
• “Spider jockeys never carp—only web-bound excitement!”
• “Why did the spider jockey enroll in yoga? To improve its mount-balance.” 🧘‍♀️
• “Spider jockey to the skeleton: ‘Hold on tight to your bones!’”
• “Spider jockeys don’t need saddles—their web harness is enough.”
• “What do you call a race between spider jockeys? The Nether Derby!” 🏁
• “Spider jockeys never get cold—they always keep spinning.”
• “Why did the spider jockey go to therapy? It needed help with its web-fear.”
• “Spider jockeys make terrible weathermen—they can’t predict when the web will break.”
• “What’s a spider jockey’s lucky charm? A golden spider fang.”

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Conclusion

• Thank you for crawling through this web of laughter! We’ve spun 399+ jokes to brighten your day and keep you entertained. 🕸️
• Whether you’re a fan of quick one-liners, cheesy puns, or a classic knock-knock, these jokes have something for everyone. 😉
• Remember, the next time you see a spider, you might just find yourself spinning a funny tale rather than running away!
• Stay bold, stay laughing, and let these spider jokes weave their magic in your life. 🕷️✨